Well, my faithful blog readers on this journey towards good health with me...today I got nothin'. No new recipe. No motivational insight. No photo documentation of amazing weekend meals. Nothing except a simple phrase: Parenthood (and Dieting) are not for the faint of heart. I feel something must be wrong with me personally, because I find it all so hard. But, maybe it's just that others don't really talk about it. It's like unwritten code that you can't talk about the hard parts. And something must be wrong with me if I don't love EVERY stage. Whew, tears are already streaming. Maybe I should have just left the page blank for Monday morning... rather than this.
Don't get me wrong. I (we) had some amazing moments this weekend. One of them being the roly poly amazement... watching Babycakes look in wonder at the tiny bug. Another being riding bikes as a family to the park and enjoying the beautiful weather this afternoon. Another watching her laugh and giggle and bounce on her bunny chair after waking up happy from an afternoon nap. Another right now as my sweetie came over to rub my arm and hug my leg because she could tell I was sad. She's quite empathetic at times, like when she read the Baby HAPPY, Baby SAD book. But this whole thing is sooooo overwhelming. So life-changing. So all encompassing. So tiring.
And what I've found is that the hardest part for me has been the sleep. Or the lack thereof.
I have always LOVED sleep.
I used to get 8 - 9 hours of sleep on a regular basis, sometimes even 10 on the weekends.
Now that's just laughable. Or tear-inducing. One of the two.
Last night Babycakes was up from midnight to 3AM, fussy, crying, and clingy. And this time, no B-vitamins were involved. Nothing soothed her. And every time I tried to leave her room, she started screaming... louder. I think it might be her teeth - 4 are cutting through at one time, her sharp pointy "canines"... I guess I'd be in a bad mood too if that was happening to me. So after finally falling asleep at 3, she was up before 7. Seriously baby?!?!
Then in a sleep-deprived craze - she began a string of disobedience - one thing after another: dumping out all the dog food, stomping her feet and shoes in the doggie water bowls, trying to escape through the doggie door, climbing on a small children's bookcase, standing on a wheeled dinosaur ride toy, hitting the doggie... and that was all before 8AM!! I am trying to find what method will work best to gently correct and teach her, but I am still not sure. She doesn't seem to care about consequences. I think the "terrible twos" have come early to our house. Some will probably read this and think, "Oh, just wait 'til the 3s"... please - if you think that, DON'T TELL ME. I don't want to know.
I'm sitting here typing and wondering to myself when this gets easier.
I've often said the same thing about losing weight/dieting. WHEN will it get easier? When will it feel like a rhythm? When will it feel like I'M IN CONTROL? When will I ever be able to eat (or do) whatever I want to again?
I don't know the answer to that either. I just have to take it one day at a time. Make as many good choices as I can. Know I'll mess up from time to time (like the pizza and white russian I downed tonight), and forgive myself and move on.
And I have to focus on the good moments. And let the rest fall away.
I promise, I'll be back tomorrow happier and with renewed motivation - all I need is some zzzzzzzzz's.
Fingers crossed I'll actually get some :)
PS. For those of you who are visiting this blog for the first time TODAY, why don't you check out this post for a little bit of "normal"!!
PPS. ***UPDATE: I got 9 HOURS of sleep last night, and feel like a new woman :) And Babycakes had a fabulous day at her Montessori school, doing artwork/painting and various "water" activities - now I know where the dog water fascination comes from! And we had a lovely evening together full of smiles, hugs, giggles, park exploration, sweet potato and carrot fry eating, dancing/stomping, and more. My heart is happy, and my baby is too :)