Parenthood & Dieting are NOT for the Faint of Heart

Posted: April 23, 2012

Well, my faithful blog readers on this journey towards good health with me...today I got nothin'.  No new recipe.  No motivational insight.  No photo documentation of amazing weekend meals.  Nothing except a simple phrase: Parenthood (and Dieting) are not for the faint of heart.  I feel something must be wrong with me personally, because I find it all so hard.  But, maybe it's just that others don't really talk about it.  It's like unwritten code that you can't talk about the hard parts.  And something must be wrong with me if I don't love EVERY stage.   Whew, tears are already streaming.  Maybe I should have just left the page blank for Monday morning... rather than this. 

Don't get me wrong.  I (we) had some amazing moments this weekend.  One of them being the roly poly amazement... watching Babycakes look in wonder at the tiny bug.  Another being riding bikes as a family to the park and enjoying the beautiful weather this afternoon.  Another watching her laugh and giggle and bounce on her bunny chair after waking up happy from an afternoon nap.  Another right now as my sweetie came over to rub my arm and hug my leg because she could tell I was sad.  She's quite empathetic at times, like when she read the Baby HAPPY, Baby SAD book.  But this whole thing is sooooo overwhelming.  So life-changing.  So all encompassing.  So tiring.

And what I've found is that the hardest part for me has been the sleep.  Or the lack thereof. 

I have always LOVED sleep. 

I used to get 8 - 9 hours of sleep on a regular basis, sometimes even 10 on the weekends.

Now that's just laughable.  Or tear-inducing. One of the two.

Last night Babycakes was up from midnight to 3AM, fussy, crying, and clingy.  And this time, no B-vitamins were involved.  Nothing soothed her.  And every time I tried to leave her room, she started screaming... louder.  I think it might be her teeth - 4 are cutting through at one time, her sharp pointy "canines"... I guess I'd be in a bad mood too if that was happening to me.  So after finally falling asleep at 3, she was up before 7.  Seriously baby?!?!

Then in a sleep-deprived craze - she began a string of disobedience - one thing after another: dumping out all the dog food, stomping her feet and shoes in the doggie water bowls, trying to escape through the doggie door, climbing on a small children's bookcase, standing on a wheeled dinosaur ride toy, hitting the doggie... and that was all before 8AM!!  I am trying to find what method will work best to gently correct and teach her, but I am still not sure.  She doesn't seem to care about consequences.  I think the "terrible twos" have come early to our house.  Some will probably read this and think, "Oh, just wait 'til the 3s"... please - if you think that, DON'T TELL ME.  I don't want to know.

I'm sitting here typing and wondering to myself when this gets easier. 

I've often said the same thing about losing weight/dieting.  WHEN will it get easier?  When will it feel like a rhythm?  When will it feel like I'M IN CONTROL?  When will I ever be able to eat (or do) whatever I want to again?

I don't know the answer to that either.  I just have to take it one day at a time.  Make as many good choices as I can.  Know I'll mess up from time to time (like the pizza and white russian I downed tonight), and forgive myself and move on.

And I have to focus on the good moments.  And let the rest fall away.

I promise, I'll be back tomorrow happier and with renewed motivation - all I need is some zzzzzzzzz's.  

Fingers crossed I'll actually get some :)

PS.  For those of you who are visiting this blog for the first time TODAY, why don't you check out this post for a little bit of "normal"!!

PPS. ***UPDATE: I got 9 HOURS of sleep last night, and feel like a new woman :)  And Babycakes had a fabulous day at her Montessori school, doing artwork/painting and various "water" activities - now I know where the dog water fascination comes from!  And we had a lovely evening together full of smiles, hugs, giggles, park exploration, sweet potato and carrot fry eating, dancing/stomping, and more.  My heart is happy, and my baby is too :)

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Comments

Submitted by Lauren @ Oatmeal after Spinning - April 23, 2012 - 7:47am

I love your honesty.
And I love this whole post!! Seriously- the way that you go about this juicing thing- you make it seem SO EASY and I think "MAN! She has got a LOT of control!!!" And you do! But, it's nice to hear some honesty and that nothing is easy.
I'm not a parent, so I can't exactly relate to how amazingly hard that job is, but I can imagine. Which is why I'm not a parent (yet)!
You'll have good days and bad days with every challenge that life throws at you, and it's okay to slip up or make mistakes (and it's CERTAINLY okay to eat pizza and have a drink on a weekend!!). You will drive yourself crazy if you try to be perfect at everything all the time.
From the looks of it- it seems like you're doing a pretty darn good job at "living."
xoxo

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 6:46am

Thanks for your nice note. I really appreciate it!! I am definitely a perfectionist - but am trying to be more balanced :)

Submitted by Cathy - April 23, 2012 - 8:22am

My 22 month woke up a BEAR this a.m. - he never wakes up in the middle of the night (I'm blessed beyond words) but last night woke up at 2:00 a.m. screaming - fortunately daddy to the rescue a quick change, binkie in his mouth and he slept until the alarm at 6:30 - but when he got up he was clingy and a bit miserable. We went down to wake up his sisters - which usually makes him giddy but NOT today - plus I had to get a healthy breakfast in the girls because they are testing all week... and I'm on day 15 of juicing please mr. herbal tea kick in for me PLEASE!!!

I feel your pain Kelly. And at my wise old age of 42+ with 3 children - it's not a matter of getting easier or harder - it ebb and flows - ya gotta roll with it although there are SO many times I just want to hide under my bed or drive off thelma & louise style - but at the end of the day they are precious and wonderful - albeit there is ALWAYS moments and with any kind of luck those moments won't turn into days.

I'm just starting this weight loss journey (down 8 & 52 more to go) and honestly another 15 - 45 days of juicing - well it's just not in me. And I'm lost at what to do next - how to incorporate real food back into my every day but get the maximum weightloss and keep good eating habits. I'm going to a nutritionist tomorrow at noon for some help. I'll keep you posted.

Someone asked me a few weeks ago, "Cathy - you living that dream" and all I could think was - aren't nightmare's dreams too??? :) HA - Happy MONDAY!

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 6:51am

I love your "Ebbs and flows" analogy - rather than just an easier or harder... I think you're right. And your Thelma and Louise comment made me laugh :) That's great that you're meeting with a nutritionist... let me know what your plan is going to be!! For me, I reduced my dairy/carb intake (being really mindful of how much and how often I was eating those things). I also reduced my meat intake - and had vegetarian dinners a couple times a week. This seemed to help me with my portions and helped make sure I was getting enough veggies. I also juiced every other day for an after dinner "dessert" and then the next day ~2pm for an energy boost. So far, it's helped me lose 53 lbs :)

Submitted by Shannon K - April 23, 2012 - 9:16am

It's okay Kelly! I firmly believe all moms find themselves in your state of mind often. There are sometimes I downright don't like my little boy (hellacious angel baby that he is). Don't worry and please don't be hard on yourself. Remember that all things pass with time and babies are changing constantly, just like our Colorado weather ;) Hang in there, I find that a little seperate quiet time can work wonders for a trying toddler.

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 6:54am

The Colorado weather analogy was good :) It's just crazy how one day it can be sooooooo "off" and then the next day (yesterday) it is sooooooo good. She was a completely different toddler. OY, I'm scared for the teenage years!!!!

Submitted by V - April 23, 2012 - 10:03am

Oh I'm so sorry.

Parenting IS hard and it IS ok to not love every stage. Trust me, there have been stages I've HATED (another thing you are probably not suppose to say). This is a tough age, I'm right behind you with my daughter only being 2 months younger. It's hard because you can't reason with them yet and you are right, they don't care about consequences. I don't ever remember my son throwing such massive tempter tantrums this early on. And as hard as 3 is, you can at least reason with them, so don't be too afraid for 3.

And yes the sleep.... oh how I miss the sleep. My little one has a double ear infection and was also up a lot last night. I feel like a zombie today. Thank God it's a work day and I get to sit on my butt all day :) Keep your chin up, you'll get through this.

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 6:56am

My hubby and I went on an anniversary trip last year to Costa Rica - and I still couldn't sleep in - even there. I was ready to go by 8AM!

Submitted by JoAnna - April 23, 2012 - 10:27am

I think every parent goes through this and that feeling of wanting to momentarily throw the kids out the window is normal, although not talked about. I don't have any kids yet, so I suppose, what the hell do I know, but I really love your honesty in this piece. Hang in there! Does the dieting get easier? Some days yes, some no but is it worth it? I think so BUT I still firmly believe in pizza (and white russians) on the weekend! Don't be so hard on yourself! You don't have to be on the money 100% of the time. Let yourself be a little human. It's more fun that way :)

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 6:58am

I'm definitely harder on myself than others. I am slowly but surely trying to LET GO of some of that perfectionism... and find more balance. And you're right - it's more fun that way.

Submitted by Katie - April 23, 2012 - 12:30pm

Oh Kelly, sorry you hit a rough spot. But as Cathy said in the post earlier today, It "ebbs and flows." You do an awesome job and probably work circles around many of us. I have to thank you, because without your blog helping me along, I probably would not be able to do this juicing thing. I also found that the Reboot site does not provide enough information or details. The information and receipies on your site are so helpful to me and I'm sure many others. Many times I can't access the Reboot pages because they are busy! I check your blog daily, and you always make me smile.

I had four children, worked full time and believe me, many times wondered if i could make it through certain days. But you know, the time flies by...my children are grown and now I'm helping my daughter with her 16 month old and four month old. Same issues, she needs more sleep and deals with two teething children. We all understand. So when you need to stop-- stop. Take a break from blogging. Take a break from gardening, from house cleaning and be a mom. Don't worry about the rest of it. We will be here when you return and are refreshed! We appreciate your help. Take care of yourself!

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 7:01am

I think this is the best (& nicest) comment I've ever received. Thank you so much, Katie, for your kind words. I am trying to let go of some of the perfectionism I put on myself and go for a more balanced approach. And you're right - sometimes I just need to take a break (especially from house cleaning!!) to just enjoy my family.

Submitted by Corrie Anne - April 23, 2012 - 12:40pm

I haven't experienced that, but it definitely seems like a tough combo! And definitely deserving of the occasional pizza!! I had pizza last night too. Lol. Planned pizza. :) You can do it! :)

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 7:04am

I like that :) Pizza is by far my hubby's favorite food - and to him it equals "weekend/relaxation/ahhhhh" so he (at least) usually has it at least once a week. I sometimes partake, sometimes watch. But - that's why I'm on a mission to make more of our own at home, like the cauliflower pizza crust, and the upcoming beer pizza crust - so at least I know what's really in it.... and can pile on tons of veggies (on mine).

Submitted by Amanda - April 23, 2012 - 3:38pm

I found your blog through the Reboot website. I look forward to your post every day. Your honesty is quite refreshing and hard to find in a world of blogging where everyone is presenting perfect homes, perfect meals, perfect meals. I have NO doubt that you will be successful in meeting all of your goals but just know that in the meantime, you are an inspiration to a lot of us, good mood or not.

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 7:07am

Thanks Amanda!! For being a faithful reader, a great encourager, and a speaker of truth. It is easy to compare (even my blog to someone else's that seems more "perfect"), and we really just need to be true to ourselves and not worry about what everyone else is doing. I want to focus on balance and sustainability and truly LIVING the sweet life... no sugar added. And worry less about the perfect home, perfect meals, perfect family.

Submitted by Leanne - April 23, 2012 - 9:44pm

....One day at a time is all that anyone can do!
No-one expects you to be perfect, and if they do they must be the only perfect person in the world!!
Thank you for being you....imperfect like the rest of us!!!

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 7:08am

Hopefully imperfect = relateable = still inspiring :)

Submitted by Debi - April 23, 2012 - 10:42pm

Kelly, just a quick word of encouragement from a stranger, if that is not too creepy! I found your blog when you were featured on the FSND Facebook page. I have been following you ever since. I love reading your daily posts and you have motivated me to drop the sugar and I am planning a reboot once school ends for the summer, I am a teacher. My encouragement comes as I am on the other side of your phase! My son is a senior and will graduate in a few weeks. As I read your post, it just makes me realize...it does goes so fast! And yes, it does get easier! When they are teenagers, they want to sleep all day! You will be waking baby cakes for a special day of shopping, I promise! Try as you must to focus on the positive! Try to enjoy every moment and look for teachable moments! Do not be too hard on yourself! Your healthy choices will. Enable you many happy memories! The older I get, I realize that life is hard sometimes, it is work! Until Jesus comes! Keep your hope in Him! Thank you for posting!

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 7:11am

Thanks for your nice comments / reminders. (Not creepy at all!!) I know (eventually) I'm going to miss these days, and wish I had my cute little huggie toddler back. :) And great reminder to keep things in perspective and to remember who my true HOPE is.

Submitted by Mom-to-mom - April 24, 2012 - 12:41am

Your blog has encouraged me to buy a juicer which I am eagerly waiting to arrive. Your talk of feeling better and being happier after juicing aand losing weight has finally given me the push to try something different and i cannot wait to try YOUR drink recipes. Your blog is such a pleasure to read and i love your pictures of your creations (including those of Babycakes!) and your style of writing. I am a mom but my kids are young adults. Every stage has its ups and downs. What I wouldn't give at my age to have all those hugs and kisses I know parents with young kids get...but on the flip side I love getting good sleeps most nights. Just remember "this too shall pass"...the bad and the good.

Submitted by kelly - April 24, 2012 - 7:14am

Thank you so much for your nice words about my blog and pictures and writing style. What an encouragement!! And to have inspired you to start juicing - so great!! PLEASE keep in touch and let me know if you have any questions along the way. :)

Submitted by Mom-to-mom - April 24, 2012 - 9:03pm

Thanks...I may need to take you up on this! I have all my fruits and veggies ready to go but have to wait for my juicer to arrive -boo! Am just so eager to get this juicing thing going. Hopefully it will arrive soon. Keep up your awesome blogging!

Submitted by Rebekah - April 24, 2012 - 10:52am

to throw over the dog food and jump in the dog bowl puddles that are always in the kitchen! And then someone else cleans it all up! I mean, talk about being a kid! :)

Not to make light of Babycakes tantrums and ill moods, but as I read that, I totally thought in the back of my mind how cool that must have been for her to dance around in the water. It is like a springtime puddle in the house! I think I was about 4 when I was amazed by how cool the staples looked as I pushed them into the wood around the edge of my mom's desk. It was fun and I was quite proud of my awesome design using up the entire stapler. My mom, on the other hand, did not find my decorations quite so amazing.

Although not a parent, I've seen friends go through the same struggles. I saw this post on FB this morning and after reading your story, it seems very fitting:
A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...
''Yes," was his incredulous reply..
She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'
http://robinroost.blogspot.ca/

You have been a great inspiration to me and my weight loss/health enhancement journey. Last week I had a few days of wanting to say screw it, but the thoughts and honesties you've shared have helped pull me back into caring :) But if you think about it, every rewarding thing in your life has taken dedication - school, sports, marriage, parenting, health, religion, etc. - and each of those provide(d) the most rewards. You're doing it, which is amazing all in its own. And the outcome will look better than my staple art!

Submitted by Kim - April 30, 2012 - 9:51am

I found your blog through the blueberry bread recipe pin on pinterest and this is the first entry I read. I could have written it myself...every single word. Teething baby, sleep deprivation, weight loss battle and all. Know you are not alone and that eventually our babies will stop teething. ;) Thanks for sharing and making my Monday morning.

Submitted by kelly - April 30, 2012 - 9:57am

Thanks for making MY Monday morning :) I'm glad you can relate, and I'm glad you found me!! Yay Pinterest :)

Submitted by Caitlin - May 22, 2012 - 2:49pm

I just wanted to tell you that I absolutely LOVE your blog. Like the reader above, I also feel as if I could have written this, word for word! As a mom to a 9 month old who needs to lose a few pounds, I also wonder when both parenthhood and weight loss will ever get easier! Like you, I work full time as well and I often collapse in an exhausted heap at night after working and taking care of my little girl. Exercise is often the farthest thing from my mind, but your blog definitely motivates me to be healthier and to fit in exercise when and where I can. Thank you for your amazing and honest posts. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my weight loss journey :)

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